In the title I am referring to Brenda Chenowith, a character from Six Feet Under. I was just listening to 'Kool Thing' by Sonic Youth and it reminded me of her.
Anyway, in other news, I can finally sigh with relief as I found something to do! Huzzah!
Today I purchased a lovely hardback brown page notebook from Paperchase and walked around Guildford taking photos. I now have ideas for new poems and stories as well as a scrapbook.
The idea is that I will go through my word docs and Deviant Art submissions, edit them if I want to, then word process and print them off and stick them in the lovely Paperchase book. I then plan to add photos, collages and embellishments until I feel I've made the work more than just lines on the page.
Amy had an idea AND ACTED UPON IT. This is rather groundbreaking and thus deserving of capitals.
About Me
Monday, 25 May 2009
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Peaks and Troughs.
The title of this blog pretty much sums up how I feel about this week.
It started off with a lot of mixed feelings, having visited my cousin and her new baby. It was so lovely to see them and my other cousin and her boyfriend, and at the risk of sounding gooey, it was really something quite special when I held my little second cousin twice removed (or something). Babies do have this amazing ability to reduce me to sentimental slush.
As nice as the visit was, it got me thinking, which isn't always a good thing. I started to think about family; my place within it; the people I never see and who I have no real attachment to; and how I hope that in the future I'm as happy as my cousins are.
I have discovered Six Feet Under this week, thanks to my friend Dawn who owns all five series on boxset. It really is one of the best shows I have ever watched. Deep, gripping and darkly comic, I viewed it as a productive way to spend Tuesday. I am now hooked and craving my next hit in the form of Season 2 Episode 3.
I have been very up and down this week. Right now I'm thinking about how good life is right now. I have a week left of being a fresher and all in all, I'm happy with what I've achieved this year. I'm a better person, a stronger person and I have ideas, enthusiasm and energy that I plan on using in my second year. I don't plan to let any of my black clouds rain on how good it feels to be focused and appreciated.
It started off with a lot of mixed feelings, having visited my cousin and her new baby. It was so lovely to see them and my other cousin and her boyfriend, and at the risk of sounding gooey, it was really something quite special when I held my little second cousin twice removed (or something). Babies do have this amazing ability to reduce me to sentimental slush.
As nice as the visit was, it got me thinking, which isn't always a good thing. I started to think about family; my place within it; the people I never see and who I have no real attachment to; and how I hope that in the future I'm as happy as my cousins are.
I have discovered Six Feet Under this week, thanks to my friend Dawn who owns all five series on boxset. It really is one of the best shows I have ever watched. Deep, gripping and darkly comic, I viewed it as a productive way to spend Tuesday. I am now hooked and craving my next hit in the form of Season 2 Episode 3.
I have been very up and down this week. Right now I'm thinking about how good life is right now. I have a week left of being a fresher and all in all, I'm happy with what I've achieved this year. I'm a better person, a stronger person and I have ideas, enthusiasm and energy that I plan on using in my second year. I don't plan to let any of my black clouds rain on how good it feels to be focused and appreciated.
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Sometimes it doesn't matter how much thought-provoking American TV drama you watch; or the amount of low light emitted by bulbs of the fairy variety that are positioned strategically in your room in halls. The nagging feeling of discontent cannot be displaced by a filling meal, or soothed by the calming tones of chill out tunes.
It occurred to me earlier on, just as I was reaching for the door handle to my bedroom, that it doesn't matter how far I travel or where I go: a part of me will always be susceptible to these bouts of feeling 'a bit odd'. The longer I wait around for a revelation, a cure, a magical elixir, the more disappointed I'm going to be. Because really, I can't do anything about it. Sometimes can't articulate how you feel or why you're feeling that way, and that should be okay. Even if it does mean sitting on my arse conjuring up justification as to why I should have another chocolate bar or how its perfectly acceptable not to venture out of my halls all day.
In other news, I have some random ideas floating around.
Sugar rain
Flecking the window pane
Like childhood grazes from playground games
A spattering of scabs in a straight line
Only this time
They're droplets, and I'm much older
I like to see the effect I have upon their form
As I pull the window shut
And one bleeds into another.
There's been a lot of rain here recently. No, really, there has. That's not a metaphor for once.
I worry I'm too self-absorbed.
It occurred to me earlier on, just as I was reaching for the door handle to my bedroom, that it doesn't matter how far I travel or where I go: a part of me will always be susceptible to these bouts of feeling 'a bit odd'. The longer I wait around for a revelation, a cure, a magical elixir, the more disappointed I'm going to be. Because really, I can't do anything about it. Sometimes can't articulate how you feel or why you're feeling that way, and that should be okay. Even if it does mean sitting on my arse conjuring up justification as to why I should have another chocolate bar or how its perfectly acceptable not to venture out of my halls all day.
In other news, I have some random ideas floating around.
Sugar rain
Flecking the window pane
Like childhood grazes from playground games
A spattering of scabs in a straight line
Only this time
They're droplets, and I'm much older
I like to see the effect I have upon their form
As I pull the window shut
And one bleeds into another.
There's been a lot of rain here recently. No, really, there has. That's not a metaphor for once.
I worry I'm too self-absorbed.
Monday, 11 May 2009
Holding On To What You Have and Hilltop Sunburnt Heaven.
Today I journeyed up to Pewley Hill in Guildford, which is quite near the castle, with some of my friends. After stocking up on strawberries, humous, bread, muffins, ginger beer, home-made cupcakes, cloudy lemonade, crisps, raspberry sponge and cheese strings, we were ready to climb THE HILL.
It is no exaggeration to say that Pewley Hill is immensely steep. But the sight at the top was worth it.
Alas I don't think I have my camera lead, but as soon as I do I will upload the photos I took today. It's beautiful up there, it almost makes you forget that you're in Guildford. It's almost like you're nowhere and everywhere all at once. The sun on my back may have crispened my skin but I don't care. For at least half an hour I was quiet and at peace, despite numerous thoughts rolling through my mind. At least they weren't bombarding me, as the often do when I can't sleep and lie awake thinking of everything and nothing.
I have just skim-read a blog called sweetbabyjames, about a little boy who was born prematurely and who encountered numerous problems in his short life. The fact that his parents had the courage to document their experiences about caring for a special needs baby touched me deeply, and made me realise even more that you have to appreciate what you do have while you have it. An old cliche, I know, but so true.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with my tutor to try and decide whether or not I should continue with my Creative Writing module. We shall see how that goes. I am also meeting with my soon to be housemates to discuss who is having what room. I already know which one I'm going to bid for, and as it's the smallest room I don't think I'll have much competition!
I really need to get working on my Bridport entry, although I don't think my initial idea is good enough or exciting enough. I am definitely my own worst critic.
There don't seem to be any stars out, this saddens me. I think I can see one but it's blinking rather rapidly so I think it's actually an aeroplane masquerading as a star.
Ho hum yes... I have nothing else to say.
It is no exaggeration to say that Pewley Hill is immensely steep. But the sight at the top was worth it.
Alas I don't think I have my camera lead, but as soon as I do I will upload the photos I took today. It's beautiful up there, it almost makes you forget that you're in Guildford. It's almost like you're nowhere and everywhere all at once. The sun on my back may have crispened my skin but I don't care. For at least half an hour I was quiet and at peace, despite numerous thoughts rolling through my mind. At least they weren't bombarding me, as the often do when I can't sleep and lie awake thinking of everything and nothing.
I have just skim-read a blog called sweetbabyjames, about a little boy who was born prematurely and who encountered numerous problems in his short life. The fact that his parents had the courage to document their experiences about caring for a special needs baby touched me deeply, and made me realise even more that you have to appreciate what you do have while you have it. An old cliche, I know, but so true.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with my tutor to try and decide whether or not I should continue with my Creative Writing module. We shall see how that goes. I am also meeting with my soon to be housemates to discuss who is having what room. I already know which one I'm going to bid for, and as it's the smallest room I don't think I'll have much competition!
I really need to get working on my Bridport entry, although I don't think my initial idea is good enough or exciting enough. I am definitely my own worst critic.
There don't seem to be any stars out, this saddens me. I think I can see one but it's blinking rather rapidly so I think it's actually an aeroplane masquerading as a star.
Ho hum yes... I have nothing else to say.
Saturday, 9 May 2009
Sleepy Satisfaction.
What a crazy end to a manic week!
Yesterday I took my World Literature and Cultures exam which concluded my first year at university. Although I had prepared for it, adrenalin and general overload of information prevented me from writing a decent answer. This was something I chose to ignore as I led the cry 'Pub!' after we left the exam hall.
After a few drinks in Channies bar, I headed back to mine to a healthy dinner, several wardrobe malfunctions and a giggle with Rhiannon before heading over to Cathedral Court for drinks with my lovely EngLit buddies! To get us in the mood for Chav Night, we pulled several stupid poses and danced to classics such as 'Put A Donk On It'. Classic. Incriminating evidence is now on Facebook.
After much dancing, (which included not one but two rather energetic skanks to One Step Beyond) the time was 1am and along with Stephanie D I graced the HRB's DJ booth. I absolutely love DJ-ing, both on radio and at No Wave nights. It gives me such a buzz, and when I put All The Small Things on the decks everyone was up and dancing. Was a great feeling! I did however feel rather bemused after a guy who requested ska shot down my suggestion of A Message To You, Rudy by saying that it was too commercial... WHAT?!
Then I dragged myself out of bed this morning to join Dawna on Flip the Switch. I'm really proud of us and the show, we're getting better at smoothing out the glitches.
I'm now free for 5 months! Am planning to go to London for the day soon with my limited funds... But for now, all plans will be put on hold for some sleepy time. Yeees.
Yesterday I took my World Literature and Cultures exam which concluded my first year at university. Although I had prepared for it, adrenalin and general overload of information prevented me from writing a decent answer. This was something I chose to ignore as I led the cry 'Pub!' after we left the exam hall.
After a few drinks in Channies bar, I headed back to mine to a healthy dinner, several wardrobe malfunctions and a giggle with Rhiannon before heading over to Cathedral Court for drinks with my lovely EngLit buddies! To get us in the mood for Chav Night, we pulled several stupid poses and danced to classics such as 'Put A Donk On It'. Classic. Incriminating evidence is now on Facebook.
After much dancing, (which included not one but two rather energetic skanks to One Step Beyond) the time was 1am and along with Stephanie D I graced the HRB's DJ booth. I absolutely love DJ-ing, both on radio and at No Wave nights. It gives me such a buzz, and when I put All The Small Things on the decks everyone was up and dancing. Was a great feeling! I did however feel rather bemused after a guy who requested ska shot down my suggestion of A Message To You, Rudy by saying that it was too commercial... WHAT?!
Then I dragged myself out of bed this morning to join Dawna on Flip the Switch. I'm really proud of us and the show, we're getting better at smoothing out the glitches.
I'm now free for 5 months! Am planning to go to London for the day soon with my limited funds... But for now, all plans will be put on hold for some sleepy time. Yeees.
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
Trials, Tribulations and Wondering Where You Are.
It has been a rather hectic weekend. I won't go into details, but it has been very emotionally draining and has caused me to experience anxiety that I hadn't felt for a very long time.
With a bit of luck, everything is now resolved and I can sleep easy. A lack of sleep is such an awful thing; especially when you finally drop off to sleep only to find that your dreams are infected with the things that were bothering you whilst you were awake.
But, in order to get to the good, you have to wade through some crap first. Maybe not the most poetic or eloquently-phrased thing I have said, but I do believe it is true.
What a year, or to be more accuarate, September-October-November-December-January-February-March-April and now finally, May. My first year of university will be over in a matter of weeks. Quite something when you consider that there was time when I found it hard to emerge from my room and speak to people face to face.
I feel like I've come a long way. A few months back I wouldn't have thought it possible. But I've moved away from home, learned to look after myself, taken responsibility, co-hosted a cracking radio show (www.gu2.co.uk Flip the Switch Saturday mornings 10-12, couldn't resist a cheeky plug!), edited the Literature Section of the uni paper and made loads of new friends. The only thing I'm a little sad about is that I haven't befriended more boys; not in that way, but most of my best mates back home are guys and I miss the banter!
I won't be sorry to leave halls, although I will miss some of the people. I will miss living on campus though. The lake and scenery is beautiful.
I'd be lying if I said everything has been resolved. There's still something that is at the back of my mind and on the tip of my tongue. The difference is that it doesn't cripple me in the way it used to. But if fate and reason and all that stuff really is true, then it will work itself out in one way or another. I like to think that the person concerned knows me well enough to understand the choices I've made.
I have to go to the library now. My exam is on Friday, and then, after that, let the good times roll.
x
With a bit of luck, everything is now resolved and I can sleep easy. A lack of sleep is such an awful thing; especially when you finally drop off to sleep only to find that your dreams are infected with the things that were bothering you whilst you were awake.
But, in order to get to the good, you have to wade through some crap first. Maybe not the most poetic or eloquently-phrased thing I have said, but I do believe it is true.
What a year, or to be more accuarate, September-October-November-December-January-February-March-April and now finally, May. My first year of university will be over in a matter of weeks. Quite something when you consider that there was time when I found it hard to emerge from my room and speak to people face to face.
I feel like I've come a long way. A few months back I wouldn't have thought it possible. But I've moved away from home, learned to look after myself, taken responsibility, co-hosted a cracking radio show (www.gu2.co.uk Flip the Switch Saturday mornings 10-12, couldn't resist a cheeky plug!), edited the Literature Section of the uni paper and made loads of new friends. The only thing I'm a little sad about is that I haven't befriended more boys; not in that way, but most of my best mates back home are guys and I miss the banter!
I won't be sorry to leave halls, although I will miss some of the people. I will miss living on campus though. The lake and scenery is beautiful.
I'd be lying if I said everything has been resolved. There's still something that is at the back of my mind and on the tip of my tongue. The difference is that it doesn't cripple me in the way it used to. But if fate and reason and all that stuff really is true, then it will work itself out in one way or another. I like to think that the person concerned knows me well enough to understand the choices I've made.
I have to go to the library now. My exam is on Friday, and then, after that, let the good times roll.
x
Friday, 1 May 2009
Reading about things I don't understand.
I haven't done much today at all.
I'm listening to Bob Dylan and the sun is shining through the window. Lovely and warm.
I'm now listening to Bob Marley. Thanks to Spotify and The Guardian online, I've managed to access a playlist of songs about revolution. If only it were enough to drown out the boisterous sound of bass speakers from the room down the halls.
Returning to the topic of what I have done today, well, it hasn't been entirely unproductive. I cleaned by room, wrote a blog (two in one day for those of you who actually read this), re-read some of 'A Grain of Wheat' (a novel by Ngugi wa Thiong'o about the effects of colonialism on the people of Kenya) and made some notes. I also read some online news articles including a piece on Carol Ann Duffy becoming poet laureate and Stephen Fry's letter to his 16 year old self.
Bob and his Wailers are wailing at full volume now; the boys are chanting something or other.
I'm listening to Bob Dylan and the sun is shining through the window. Lovely and warm.
I'm now listening to Bob Marley. Thanks to Spotify and The Guardian online, I've managed to access a playlist of songs about revolution. If only it were enough to drown out the boisterous sound of bass speakers from the room down the halls.
Returning to the topic of what I have done today, well, it hasn't been entirely unproductive. I cleaned by room, wrote a blog (two in one day for those of you who actually read this), re-read some of 'A Grain of Wheat' (a novel by Ngugi wa Thiong'o about the effects of colonialism on the people of Kenya) and made some notes. I also read some online news articles including a piece on Carol Ann Duffy becoming poet laureate and Stephen Fry's letter to his 16 year old self.
Bob and his Wailers are wailing at full volume now; the boys are chanting something or other.
Intermittent Sunshine.
My first week back at university is almost over! It has been a lovely few days; with last night and Tuesday night being the highlights. Nothing like bursting into song in Wetherspoons, gobbling down battered mushrooms and watching live bands at Open Mic whilst defacing the tealight candles set on the table. Anyone who thinks that English Literature students are placid, peace-loving, flower-bedecked poets should think again. Really we're booze-guzzling, raucous arsonists.
The sun is shining down on Surrey today, although it does have a tendency to keep disappearing behind clouds every now and then. I've tidied my room and am currently listening to bands who will hopefully appear at the proposed Lyrics at the Lake festival. The brainchild of Ollie, our EngLitSoc president, will find out its fate this afternoon at 4pm as Ollie, his VP Sarah and others will meet with uni bosses to find out whether or not they will be given the green light. I for one am crossing my fingers! I am on the panel that will be deciding the line up and putting the bill together. We have the power!
I should really start some revision soon, but saying that I have been very good this week. Revision has been taking place everday, with some sessions more productive than others. Yesterday turned into a Smith/Nouvelle Vague/Neutral Milk hotel- soundtracked procrastination session, with the odd conversation putting the world to rights before arriving at the morbid topic of mortality. Pissheads we may be, but damn are we deep!
I'm happy to say that myself and Dawn Harman will be back on the air tomorrow on Flip The Switch. Listen live (or listen back at your leisure) on 1350 AM or online at www.gu2.co.uk. Am a little nervous as I'm worried I've forgotten how to 'drive the desk', but I'm sure we will be fine! On another musical note (haw haw) myself and Steph Davies will be DJ-ing in the Helyn Rose Bar next Friday night as part of No Wave's Chav Night. Provisional set list includes Modest Mouse and Dresden Dolls.
Now just to get this pesky exam out of the way! Then BBQ's, cheap juants to London and friend-fuelled drinking. Then back home to Thanet at the end of May to a cafe job, festivals and good times. Good times TBA.
I have run out of things to say, although I did read the blog 'Scared of Dying' the other night and was bowled over by the art. Go have a look, it inspired me to draw!
Merry weekend and best wishes xxx
The sun is shining down on Surrey today, although it does have a tendency to keep disappearing behind clouds every now and then. I've tidied my room and am currently listening to bands who will hopefully appear at the proposed Lyrics at the Lake festival. The brainchild of Ollie, our EngLitSoc president, will find out its fate this afternoon at 4pm as Ollie, his VP Sarah and others will meet with uni bosses to find out whether or not they will be given the green light. I for one am crossing my fingers! I am on the panel that will be deciding the line up and putting the bill together. We have the power!
I should really start some revision soon, but saying that I have been very good this week. Revision has been taking place everday, with some sessions more productive than others. Yesterday turned into a Smith/Nouvelle Vague/Neutral Milk hotel- soundtracked procrastination session, with the odd conversation putting the world to rights before arriving at the morbid topic of mortality. Pissheads we may be, but damn are we deep!
I'm happy to say that myself and Dawn Harman will be back on the air tomorrow on Flip The Switch. Listen live (or listen back at your leisure) on 1350 AM or online at www.gu2.co.uk. Am a little nervous as I'm worried I've forgotten how to 'drive the desk', but I'm sure we will be fine! On another musical note (haw haw) myself and Steph Davies will be DJ-ing in the Helyn Rose Bar next Friday night as part of No Wave's Chav Night. Provisional set list includes Modest Mouse and Dresden Dolls.
Now just to get this pesky exam out of the way! Then BBQ's, cheap juants to London and friend-fuelled drinking. Then back home to Thanet at the end of May to a cafe job, festivals and good times. Good times TBA.
I have run out of things to say, although I did read the blog 'Scared of Dying' the other night and was bowled over by the art. Go have a look, it inspired me to draw!
Merry weekend and best wishes xxx
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