So I told my problems, you're never gonna get me, if I'm too busy..

I am listening to the Sunshine Underground very very loudly.


Shortly, I will be listening to Frank Turner's cover of The Postal Service track 'The District Sleeps Alone Tonight'.








I seem to be enjoying my melancholy music at the moment. Oh yes indeedy.





I'm annoyed at myself because although I've changed in lots of ways, and have gained confidence in myself, I'm still so closed off when it comes to relationships. I blame that on someone else, naturally, it's all their fault. I'm 20 years old and can't be bothered, thank you for that.





So I'm sitting here belting out Frank Turner and half-admiring, half-cursing the leafy trees that I can see from my window (they look lush and pretty, but they obscure my view and now I can't spy on people. Don't worry, I mean 'spy' in a light-hearted, jesting sort of way.)





I also seem to have this nausea that keeps revisiting me at annoying moments. It probably didn't help that I decided to spin around on an office chair in the common room in attempt to clear my head of the things I was thinking; however, as with most observations of hindsight, I did not realise this until after I had done it.





I am now going to have a 'rummage' through my file of writing to see if there is something I can post here...





*rummages*





Ah screw it. You shall have something new. Spontaneous.

Redundant metal

Once clasped between fingers; now

A relic of then.

Best wishes xxx

Raindrops and Blossom.

What an odd yet mundane day.

I woke up having had a strange dream about travelling to Africa and becoming very fond of one of the girls I met there. I recently decided that next summer I want to travel, and with a bit of luck I will soon send my passport off.

When I opened the curtains, I was surprised and somewhat dismayed to see that it was raining quite heavily. The wind was blowing the white blossom off of the tree near my window, peppering the glass with petals. One of the blossoms was heart-shaped, and I kept thinking to myself 'I should take a photo of that before it falls off or is blown away'. I put it off for a few hours before getting my camera, and, sure enough, it had moved ever so slightly, ruining the heart-shape. I reached my arm out of the window before taking some macro shots. Sadly I have misplaced my camera lead so I'm not sure when my new photos will be making their appearance on here.

I am back in Guildford for the final semester of my first undergraduate year. It has been good in so many ways and bad in others, but on the whole the good prevails. I definitely feel more creative; I just struggle to put my ideas down on paper. I took a fair few photos when I was home last, and have a few ideas for poems.

I would really like to take some grainy photos, ones that appear older than they are. If anyone can suggest a camera that I could buy or some software that would be great.

I don't have much else to say, words seem to be escaping me.

Best wishes xxx

Pathetic Fallacy Fails.

It was raining heavily when I emerged from Spoons this evening following a great night shared with good friends, some of whom I hadn't seen in a long while. It was pleasant to see that despite distance and time I still enjoyed seeing everyone, and that they enjoyed seeing me too.





Josh and I had a brief yet insightful conversation beneath the shelter of Samo's whilst waiting for my taxi. He quite rightly pointed out that the next few years are ones to be treasured, as after those years have passed chances are that meetings like tonight's one will be few and far between due to jobs, relationships and the general reluctance to return home to Thanet.





We all laugh and joke at its relative 'scumminess', but really it's made us who we are and has had more of an effect on us than any of us are willing to openly admit. It's my home, all of it, from the pretty multicoloured lights recently installed on the otherwise bare jetty to the barren highstreet that seems to get worse with every return visit. I unashamedly admit that I do love certain parts of Thanet, the beaches namely, but other spots too. Everywhere seems to hold a memory, from the seemingly indentical avenues of Palm Bay where I learnt to drive to the hill leading from Northdown to Dane Valley which I walked down many a Sunday morning following a drinking session at Tucker's old house.





I feel I'm straying from my original point. What Josh said saddened me, but in a way it was also quite refreshing. Gradually I am realising things that would have been more use a few years ago (never mind) when I was point blankedly refusing to socialise due to the persistent presence of a rather sizeable black cloud. Better late then never though.





It doesn't matter about two years from now. It doesn't matter about tomorrow really, because to an extent it's predetermined by something or someone who isn't going to disclose the details any time soon. What matters is now, no matter how mundane that may be. Of course this old bumpf has been regurgitated both by well-meaning elder family members, advice-dispensing parents and sentimental fridge magnets alike for as long as anyone can remember. Until you realise it for yourself though, it just sounds like a tired corny Band Aid; a sticking plaster designed to make you worry less and enjoy life more.





But it really is true. That's why it didn't matter that mine and Josh's conversation wasn't the happiest. It didn't matter that it was pissing it down with rain either. What mattered is that the past few hours were spent laughing and enjoying the company of people I know NOW.





To add another dimension to this blog before I sign off, I have included one of my recent photos for your persusal. Feast your eyes (or avert your gaze, it's not like I can tell).

More poetry/photos/musings to follow soon.

Best wishes xxx

#1

Good evening.

This is my first blog entry. After an on-off relationship with DeviantArt and several half-hearted subscriptions to various 'creative' circle websites I figured it might be best to start afresh. Again.

After a fairly unproductive day (though numerous attempts at beating a smug computer-animated moo named Angelina on Nintendo DS Scrabble and the beginnings of an essay plan are not to be sniffed at) I am sitting in my room in low light listening to Porcupine Tree. They are rather good, and thus join the list of my current favourite music. For those that are interested, it consists of the following:

*Golden Silvers
*Pretty much anything Zane Lowe plays on his show
*Porcupine Tree
*Eugene McGuinness
*Four Tet
*Joy Division
*The Skids

Ahem. So, to the purpose of this blog. I intend to post photos (new found 'hobby' thanks to the gift of a rather nice camera for my birthday) and also some of my poetry, which has been festering and collecting cyber dust in the folder marked 'My Writing' on my laptop.

As a reward for reading this, here's a new one I wrote yesterday.

You sat quite contentedly
Recounting the time when
Your network failed.

It let you down.
In a way that your etched skin mural
Never will.

A piece of your heart died
And there were engineering works
Biro spiral springs to hold open tunnels.

Luckily for me, my scanning was insufficient
And the bit that ceased to work
Was not the part concerned with me.

If you have never listened to Lazarus by Porcupine Tree, then do. You will thank me for it.

Best wishes xxx